Out In Town

Falling for Autumn

It has been extremely cold lately. The cold fronts, Santa Ana winds, etc...I don't care what the reasons are; it's just been cold. I pulled out my jackets from the top shelf and lined up my scarves...winter is here. And for the last couple of days I've been battling a cold/flu/cough that has made my days somewhat difficult. I woke up before dawn, covered with three thick blankets, wearing a thick sweat suit (socks included) drenched in sweat and coughing up bullets. I went downstairs to the kitchen and heated up my half-finished tea from hours before. On my way down to the kitchen, I hit my left leg with a misplaced chair before I could turn on the lights. I was coughing and now my leg was in pain. I swore. After I heated up my tea, I saw some honey and I remembered reading earlier online that a new study shows that honey works better than most cough suppressants. I drank my hot tea and ate half a cup of honey. Some minutes later, I was able to sleep again like a baby. However, it is at those late hours (or early hours) in the middle of the night that some thoughts occur in my mind. What is life all about? Are there ghosts? What if I die? God, can you hear me? Oh man, I hate those non-rethoric and answerless moments! Thank God, this lasted only for about half an hour (an eternity at 3:00 AM) and I fell asleep again.

I woke up late, as has been the norm lately. I rushed to the shower and got ready to work. Why do I have to go to work? I felt like I wanted to throw a tantrum like when kids don't want to go to school. Then, I remembered that my childhood tantrums usually happened when I'd find out that I had missed school. One time I cried my eyes dried until my mom explained to me that on Saturdays you do not go to school. Only then I stopped crying. I always feared missing class because I did not want to fall behind the other kids. This time however, I would have paid for getting the guts to ask my boss for the day off and fall behind all the paperwork at the office. But, my vacation is coming up and the year is almost over, so I'll get paid those unused sick days. – "$$$" – In addition, I did not consider it to be very professional on my part to ask for another day off. In the last month I took a day and a half off to take my mom to her doctor's appointments. A small bump showed up on her breast and we all feared the worst. We waited about two weeks in agony for the results. We all tried to put it in the backburner and not think about it. But, it was hard not to. Finally, the doctors agreed that it was a benign cyst and that it might not need to be removed surgically. Some medicine might just be able to do the job. We all were relieved and extremely glad to know this. This gave us another reason to be grateful on Thanksgiving. Now, she has to go back next month, hopefully more good news continues to pour. But, this prompted some questions in my mind: Why do people have to die? What is the purpose of death? Is this pain really essential for one's development as a person? Mortality is just a sobering concept to grasp, for oneself, but especially when it deals with those we love.

I ironed some clothes that I envisioned pairing while showering: a pair of dressed-up khakis from Banana Republic, a generic white polo shirt I bought at Robinson's May or at Macy's (makes no difference), a hooded navy blue zip-up sweater with thin, white stripes from French Connection and my light washed Hollister jean jacket. Not exactly the office attire, so I donned a light gray scarf with the Express logo in black at the end and my light brown dress shoes: Too much? Maybe, but I looked good! Why do I go in all this detail? I don't know, maybe it's a gay thing. Maybe I just like typing a lot. LOL! However, in my defense I must state that I got everything on sale! Lastly, I brushed my hair, prepared some oatmeal, took my vitamins and watched the summary of the news. Then, I just grabbed my Iphone, earphones and headed to work. While I was walking the six blocks to work I remembered about the money I have to give the mechanic to fix the car. I also remembered that I have to go to the doctor on Friday and that I did not study last night for my Final examination coming up in two days. We already started the day with a negative score!!!

Last night, I had planned to go studying at the regular Starbucks at the corner of Vermont and Hollywood in Hollywood. I would get my regular hot chocolate, no whipped cream and non-fat milk. Then, I would read for hours. However, there was a surprise dinner I was not aware of. A friend, who happens to be the person who leads the support group I attend, was celebrating his birthday this same night. He called me to invite me to the dinner that he and his partner would be having at their house. He has gone the extra mile to help me more than once, so obviously I did not feel obligated to go, I really wanted to be there. So after work, I went home and looked for one of those birthday cards I keep stored for situations like this. I found a gift bag for his gift and I headed to his house. It was so much fun. A lot of people showed up. We drank and ate a lot. Unfortunately, I did not think it would affect me to drink iced cold margaritas. Then, when I woke up coughing in the middle of the night the following day, I wanted to shoot myself for not stopping me. But, anyway, they were good!!! Lots of laughs, lots of love, many, many pictures! I'm glad I attended. What is the difference between a gay household and a traditional one? Is it the décor? Is it the apparent freedom to feel and act outside the common norms? Is it because it represents the door to an apparent non-existent land? Or is it because it makes a stand for what all gay people secretly want? Whatever the case, it was the reason I stayed up late and drank cold drinks when I should have been sipping hot drinks and studying.

Today I've worked hardly, or hardly worked…. It is just semantics. Now, I have to head home, change and then go to Starbucks to get ready for Finals. Oh, college… a land of knowledge and dreams as well as stress and nightmares of mine!

posted by Guerrero Azteca @ 8:15 PM