Out In Town

2006: A Year in Perspective

Coincidence is sometimes defined as events that might have been arranged although they were really accidental. Thus, it was by pure coincidence that this past December 30th, I ended up at the same spot that I was last year's December 30th. My day, afternoon and evening were not at all considering this plan. I was invited to organize my friend's birthday "get together." The fact that his birthday is so close to the holidays always leaves him out of a personal celebration on his honor. So, I was asked to call some of the guys and invite them over to spend some time with him. Most of the friends I called arrived to show his appreciation and support. Most of them also arrived with girlfriends. This was kind of expected, being a Saturday night. I couldn't help but wondered what would have happened if I had taken a man as a my date to this gathering. Would the mood had been different? Would it have made any major difference? I guess I will find out one of these days. The dinner took place at a famous buffet place in Montebello, California. To understand why a buffet, one must really need to know the birthday boy, who also happens to be a courageous firefighter. Needless to say he was happy. After telling some jokes and some embarrasing stories about the honoree, we called it a night. We still spent some time outside the restaurant talking and laughing about old times. Memory lane... it seems that it's beginning to bloom.

I really do not know why I picked up the call at that moment. I guess it was seeing all my friends with their "honeys" that got me all mushy. I always play around with Miguel over the phone. I always tell him what I'm going to do to him and he tells me what he is planning to do to me when he sees me. It is always something dirty, perverted and sometimes even flat out wrong. Obviously, nothing ever happens. That night, a few too-many drinks with some of his buddies at his house and then we were off to Hollywood. After having a hard time deciding where to go someone mentions a place, and someone says: "we've got a winner." Then, there I was... at this same old bar on Sunset Blvd on December 30th. 365 days after seems like a big number in days, but so small in years. I was the same man, but I wasn't the same person. I was a year older and a year newer. I was one year more gay. The clothes I was wearing, the attitude, the confidence, the moving around in this place as if I knew it like the back of my hand was a bit scary once I noticed it. The scence seemed so common, so familiar ... yet so not me. It was not the same "me" 365 days ago. Where did "me" go? Did I lose "me" somewhere in 2006? Is "me" gone for ever? Should I be scared of this fact?

As time passes it is obvious that things are bound to change and with those things we as people also change. However, I did not expect such a change. It is as if this year came and left without seeing it coming and going. However, despite this peculiar detail I feel that I did live and enjoy this year. I enjoyed welcoming 2006 all over L.A. I enjoyed getting kicked out of two private parties at Miracle Mile bars. I loved getting lost in South L.A. with all its fog and confusion. Ringing the New Year with the church crowd in South Central LA was memorable. The after-party at East LA was one of those one of-a-kind moments that will hardly come again. The music, the atole, the pan dulce… what a great way to ring in 2006. January’s family birthdays and resolutions was a good start. February’s Valentine’s Day came with its sweet taste of victory and its sour after taste of defeat. March’s Spring-Break was a truly needed break… the cool breeze of Northern California’s Pismo Beach and the RV’s ride on the sand was a stress reliever. April’s spiritual crisis was only matched by its celebration of Easter. On June I had to begin to deal with the fact that I was going to start taking the medicines to fight the virus. July and August were months of expectation and vacillating until I finally came out to my parents and revealed to them that I was HIV+. September was full of my birthday celebrations. October was immortalized by Paco (“Mr. Ensenada” to all my close friends), someone I met and up to this day still do not know how to categorize him or how to go about this “relationship.” November’s emotional roller-coasters caused by Paco, family and friends' situations stood out among all other months. December's final examinations, shopping sprees and festivities have brought us to today... a day or meditation and reflection upon a year full of victories, defeats, challenges, tears, laughters, music, parties, movies, plays and coffee times!!!

How does a year that I inteded to live fully changed me right before my eyes without having notice it? Not that I regret it. Not that I find something wrong with today's flection of me. But, it just seems so different. I must admit that different is not bad. Nor is it good. It is just different. Despite these changes, despite the confusion it brings I'm glad to say it was a good year. I'm extremely happy and I thank God for it. I wouldn't have liked it anyother way. It was my very own year. As Milan Kundera would have put it "Es muss sein" - it must be. It was fate that I'd live through 2006. It is fate that I'm alive today ... it is my life and it's fcukn' great!!!!

posted by Guerrero Azteca @ 6:06 PM