Hollywood-DF
The Hollywood Foreign Press Association awarded Mexican Director & Producer Alejandro Gonzalez Iñarritu’s “Babel” the Golden Globe for Best Picture (Drama) of 2006, at their Beverly Hills ceremony. This was Babel’s only win out of seven nominations, but undoubtedly it was the most important award of the night. As a Mexican living abroad I was extremely proud and pleased with Alejandro’s work and recognition for “Babel.” For sometime now there have been some really good films that have come out from the Aztec land. Some of those films have been well received by the Hollywood critics, but unfortunately the film’s distribution has been very limited. Thankfully for me and for some hundreds of thousands of Mexicans (and not) living on the wonderful city of Los Angeles, we are fortunate to enjoy films that other cities and/or countries cannot. Well, I think that was a wishful thought: hundreds of thousands of Mexicans! Unfortunately, I must admit, the vast majority of my people living in the USA are not interested in the arts. I fight and argue constantly with one of my aunts in regards to this matter. She does not agree with me. But she’s wrong. I understand why most of the immigrants and citizens of Hispanic descent are clueless in regards to art events. The only goal in their minds is essentially survival for them and their families. They claim that there will be time for some “entertainment” later. Bullshit! There ain’t no later. One has to make it happen now.
It is funny how there is always time to catch the three consecutive “very important” and “decisive” soccer games. Obviously, one cannot miss the beginning, the middle or the end of the telenovela because it will be blasphemy. The Hispanic T.V. networks provide with so much trash, usually copies of the Anglo “successes.” I don’t even want to start naming T.V. shows because I will never end. It just really bugs me that there is so much easy access to very important cultural events, specially in this city, that are widely missed by the Latino community. The Hispanic media again is to take a hit for this. The very low coverage of these events just heightens the lack of access for our community. When I go to plays, concerts, galleries, exhibitions or great movies showings the Latinos are always the minority in this city where they form a huge chunk of our society. I really hope this changes soon. I am trying to do my part. I take my family (parents, grandmother and brothers) to events I hear about or that I know will spark some interest in them. They have loved exhibitions at the Getty Center. They have been moved at concerts at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion. They have been astonished at special exhibitions like the very acclaimed Ashes and Snow by the Nomadic Museum. I have taken them to watch or queued in Netflix for them movies that I think are worth seeing. And the like… Obviously in the midst of all this I try to always mix in fun stuff, dancing, music, beers and mariachis. Basically time to just get wild - after all we’re Mexicans. I always love when I am able to engage in very deep and interesting discussions with people. I love learning from other people’s points of view. Needless to say I will argue my opinions, but I always respect those of others. And when those passionate discussions are with other Latinos living in the USA, I love them even more. There is a difference between people living here and those back in Mexico, at least Mexico City. In Mexico, thank God, there’s still a tendency for learning. Hopefully this will continue to grow and will rub on more and more people and will extend to this vast land full of Mexicans.
Hollywood has recognized the talent of Gonzalez Iñarritu. But he was not the only Mexican who made great films this year. We had three very talented Mexican born directors whose work received accolades by critics worldwide. Besides Gonzalez Iñarritu’s Babel, Alfonso Cuaron’s Children of Men and Guillermo del Toro’s Laberinto del Fauno (Pan’s Labyrinth, also nominated for the Golden Globes for Best Foreign Film) were outstanding films. These three close friends had a great year and through them many of us did as well. I was blown away by the contrasts and similarities among cultures as presented by Babel. I was forced to consider more deeply the direction of our societies and the importance of the “thought” of future generations by Children of Men. I was glued to the story and impressed by the imagination of Del Toro in Pan’s Labyrinth. The award season just begins. We still have Mr. mighty Oscar coming up soon. We’ll see how the Academy will treat this Tres Amigos and their work. Hopefully they notice these men’s talents because there’s more on the way. Guillermo Arriaga’s Buffalo de la Noche (Buffalo of the Night) is already making some noise South of the border and Juan Carlos Rulfo’s En el Hoyo (In the Pit) is considered so far the Most Award-Winning Mexican Film. These films will make their way up North in the next couple of months. Until then, let’s clear the way for El Señor Oscar to guide us to this emergent Hollywood, Hollywood-DF!
Hapy New Year 2007
The New Year begins and everyone is excited. There are resolutions being drafted on paper napkins, new decision being taken for the long haul and immediate subscriptions to the closest gym being signed. But, one must wonder: Do things really change at the end of the last second of December 31st? If it does, how does this change come about? What determines the end and beginning of old habits? I don’t think there is a specific answer to that. It seems to be more of result from a specific state of mind. One’s deep desire to start all over again is gratefully and cheerfully embraced by the fact that this old planet has concluded another rotation around the sun. However, the question behind these plans and resolutions is not do we really change, but instead do we really want to change?
On December 30th some friends and I ended up at a popular bar on Sunset Blvd. At around midnight, it was “gay- life” at its prime: alcohol, music, heightened sexual prowl, expensive-brand-name-fitted clothes and feathers. Well, maybe not feathers. It seemed all so good, so perfect, so gay…so fake. In the perfect world of athletic bodies and $300 designer jeans, the superficiality of the gay ambiance was at its core. And there I was sharing in the fun confidently, my jeans might have not cost me $300, there were originally priced at well over $100 and got them at about half the price. The alcohol was starting to make its effect on me due to margaritas, mojitos, beers, and one-too-many adios-mother-fucker. This fact of course did not help the “suggestive” dance moves that might have been perceived by others as an invitation to partake in a more personal dancing session. However, in the midst of all this and as the glitter started to settle in, a clearer picture of this distortional reality was more visible. I saw things that for the first time shocked me. It wasn’t that I hadn’t heard, seen or done such things. It was that there were my friends going at it and at a public place. The beauty of alcohol consumption is the perfect excuse to deny or hide behind after a crazy night out. In my case it was the perfect excuse to get lost in the music beats and reject that any of that is actually happening. The unavoidable after-party suggested by one of the many horny “fag-hags” looking to get laid with “the” confused man among a huge crowd of uninterested men proved to be too much for me. My drunken brain slowly processed the needed information to react and leave the scene.
The following day as I tried to recover from the hang over all I could try to do was to explain the previous night events. What was wrong with that picture? If nothing, then why did I feel so bothered by it? Why didn’t I joined the “fun” and followed the crowd to the after-party? The only answer I could find out was one I was not willing to utter. Morality and Religion are so filled with hypocrisy that just to consider it as the solution or the lack-there-of as a reason for the previous nights events was too much for one night. All I knew for sure was that this night had disillusioned me about what I thought was being gay. It seemed I had just witnessed a complete picture of the stereotypical "gay world" I swore didn’t exist. I felt so stupid for believing otherwise.
On December 31st, I had planned to ring in the New Year at a party with a friend of mine and I almost called to cancel. After some thought I decided to go. After all, I had already bought clothes to wear that night…and clothes cannot just sit in one’s closet unworn: that would be blasphemy! The more than 40 miles that separate the city of LA from Simi Valley were not long enough to separate my mind from the previous night outcome. I thought this night would be an exact replica of yesterday. And I felt worried by the fact that this time I was not sure exactly were I was headed geographically, and that I was not in control because someone else was driving. We stopped on the way to pick up two more people and the gay talk began. It was fun, as always. The home we arrived to was small but very well decorated. The Christmas spirit was visible a couple of houses away: clearly standing out in Christmas is a gay factor. The night went by with the familiar drinks and music on the background. However, the atmosphere was different. It was more laid back and social. There were a group of gay couples that seemed to hold the group together. Many of my questionings into this kind of relationships were answered that night. The talks, the jokes, the music, the laugher and the unavoidable gossip brought a new light to my troubled mind. For the remaining of the night I do not recall ever thinking again on what had happened at the bar. I was perplexed by the sincere and caring public demonstrations of affection by the couples in attendance. I was astonished by the obvious love and friendship that was shared among them all. Even the “guests” two other guys and me, were cordially welcomed to be fully members of the group for the night. I laughed so much at the puns and jokes made by one of the hosts that I felt I worked out all I ate for dinner. I had great talks with some of the guys that night. It felt good to be reminded that the gay community is a community like any other: with its pros and its cons.
Finally, we rang in the New Year with grapes, champagne, hugs and kisses. Good wishes were exchanged as we saw the New York Ball drop to announce the beginning of 2007. It was a good night. It is a good beginning. The last second of 2006 inexplicably closed and opened a new era in my state of mind. A window to start all over was suddenly opened and I felt the need to not let it close. Now as I look at my resolutions on my paper napkin, I see that I do want to change. I want to be able to see beyond the superficiality of the gay world and submerge into the unique and just as important humanity of it. With this fact respect, tolerance and acceptance must be front-runners without compromising who I am.
This was a great year's beginning indeed!!!
2006: A Year in Perspective
Coincidence is sometimes defined as events that might have been arranged although they were really accidental. Thus, it was by pure coincidence that this past December 30th, I ended up at the same spot that I was last year's December 30th. My day, afternoon and evening were not at all considering this plan. I was invited to organize my friend's birthday "get together." The fact that his birthday is so close to the holidays always leaves him out of a personal celebration on his honor. So, I was asked to call some of the guys and invite them over to spend some time with him. Most of the friends I called arrived to show his appreciation and support. Most of them also arrived with girlfriends. This was kind of expected, being a Saturday night. I couldn't help but wondered what would have happened if I had taken a man as a my date to this gathering. Would the mood had been different? Would it have made any major difference? I guess I will find out one of these days. The dinner took place at a famous buffet place in Montebello, California. To understand why a buffet, one must really need to know the birthday boy, who also happens to be a courageous firefighter. Needless to say he was happy. After telling some jokes and some embarrasing stories about the honoree, we called it a night. We still spent some time outside the restaurant talking and laughing about old times. Memory lane... it seems that it's beginning to bloom.
I really do not know why I picked up the call at that moment. I guess it was seeing all my friends with their "honeys" that got me all mushy. I always play around with Miguel over the phone. I always tell him what I'm going to do to him and he tells me what he is planning to do to me when he sees me. It is always something dirty, perverted and sometimes even flat out wrong. Obviously, nothing ever happens. That night, a few too-many drinks with some of his buddies at his house and then we were off to Hollywood. After having a hard time deciding where to go someone mentions a place, and someone says: "we've got a winner." Then, there I was... at this same old bar on Sunset Blvd on December 30th. 365 days after seems like a big number in days, but so small in years. I was the same man, but I wasn't the same person. I was a year older and a year newer. I was one year more gay. The clothes I was wearing, the attitude, the confidence, the moving around in this place as if I knew it like the back of my hand was a bit scary once I noticed it. The scence seemed so common, so familiar ... yet so not me. It was not the same "me" 365 days ago. Where did "me" go? Did I lose "me" somewhere in 2006? Is "me" gone for ever? Should I be scared of this fact?
As time passes it is obvious that things are bound to change and with those things we as people also change. However, I did not expect such a change. It is as if this year came and left without seeing it coming and going. However, despite this peculiar detail I feel that I did live and enjoy this year. I enjoyed welcoming 2006 all over L.A. I enjoyed getting kicked out of two private parties at Miracle Mile bars. I loved getting lost in South L.A. with all its fog and confusion. Ringing the New Year with the church crowd in South Central LA was memorable. The after-party at East LA was one of those one of-a-kind moments that will hardly come again. The music, the atole, the pan dulce… what a great way to ring in 2006. January’s family birthdays and resolutions was a good start. February’s Valentine’s Day came with its sweet taste of victory and its sour after taste of defeat. March’s Spring-Break was a truly needed break… the cool breeze of Northern California’s Pismo Beach and the RV’s ride on the sand was a stress reliever. April’s spiritual crisis was only matched by its celebration of Easter. On June I had to begin to deal with the fact that I was going to start taking the medicines to fight the virus. July and August were months of expectation and vacillating until I finally came out to my parents and revealed to them that I was HIV+. September was full of my birthday celebrations. October was immortalized by Paco (“Mr. Ensenada” to all my close friends), someone I met and up to this day still do not know how to categorize him or how to go about this “relationship.” November’s emotional roller-coasters caused by Paco, family and friends' situations stood out among all other months. December's final examinations, shopping sprees and festivities have brought us to today... a day or meditation and reflection upon a year full of victories, defeats, challenges, tears, laughters, music, parties, movies, plays and coffee times!!!
How does a year that I inteded to live fully changed me right before my eyes without having notice it? Not that I regret it. Not that I find something wrong with today's flection of me. But, it just seems so different. I must admit that different is not bad. Nor is it good. It is just different. Despite these changes, despite the confusion it brings I'm glad to say it was a good year. I'm extremely happy and I thank God for it. I wouldn't have liked it anyother way. It was my very own year. As Milan Kundera would have put it "Es muss sein" - it must be. It was fate that I'd live through 2006. It is fate that I'm alive today ... it is my life and it's fcukn' great!!!!
