Out In Town

Straight/Gay B-day Parties - In Between Worlds

What are the odds that two of your close friends decide to celebrate their own birthday parties on the same day at the same time? Not very rare, I guess. But, how about if we add that one of them is gay and the other one is as straight as a 12 inch ruler? How about if you were forced to choose which friend to celebrate with, then, what are the odds of that? West Hollywood or East LA?

That is exactly what happened to me last Saturday. One of my friends, who I happened to know since before we started attending college, was having a quasi-surprise birthday party. He was the one who invited me to it! He’s not only straight but also very homophobic. The only reason he still talks to me is because we knew each other way before I came out to him. We helped out each other in college and went through many different adversities and challenges together. I appreciate his friendship as much as I believe he appreciates mine. It has always been an unwritten rule that we can talk about everything except my sexual life, which I’m fine with. It is not like I enjoy sharing my intimate life with everyone. We have laughed and cried, argued and worked on many projects together. He’s a great guy. My other friend, Miguelito, I’ve known him for over a year now. He has helped me out a lot with my coming out and HIV ordeal. We go out a lot. I feel that he has been a good influence in my life. His values and the way he lives his life are those very rare difficult traits to find among the gay community. I am well aware that I have benefited a lot from his friendship. He has been very honest with me and has set me straight – no pun intended - when I’ve needed it.

Thus, in a perfect world, as I was presented with this dilemma, I would have probably suggested to fuse both parties into one huge celebration. However, in the real world fusing WeHo crowds with EastLos raza is almost next to impossible. It would be like eating Chinese noodles with tortillas. Beyond the obvious difference on wardrobe styles, name brands, music tastes and subjects of punch lines there is the crucial and almost automatic stigma that comes with rainbow parties. It has to be stated that at gay parties: we do not have sex orgies, we do not attend them in drag and we do not hit on every straight male that walks in through the door. We drink, dance, talk, gossip and tell jokes. It is by no means your ordinary party, but again, it is nothing out of this world. Gays have a very “gay” sense of humor and could be very descriptive about their sexual life. Straight men parties on the other hand are mostly based on alcohol and women. In the end, even despite the few, but important, differences you can have a great time with either crowd. In this case, I knew I had no choice, but to decide which crowd to hang out with.

Having gone through most of my teenage years pretending to be into women and my late teens/early twenties avoiding anything that would lead me into sin, I was more inclined towards attending my gay friend’s party. But, of course it wasn’t about the party. It was about my friends. (Wink-Wink) However, taking into consideration my last experiences on parties and gatherings on both sections of this society in LA, I was back at square one. It is very tough at times having to go with the flow in straight crowds without feeling like you’re not being real. The last guys’ night out with some of my straight friends was very uncomfortable. Along with my friends, there happened to be also some people whom I did not know. So, you drink, you joke around and you try to relax. You talk about sports: soccer, boxing, wrestling, football, basketball, etc… But, then a “fine chick” walks by and the conversation revolves around her boobs, her ass and her p…privates. Nothing against women, I am gay not blind. I can tell when a woman is hot. However, when the conversation veers in that direction two things can happen. One: you join in, and those who know you’re gay look at you weird. Or two: when those who don’t know you ask you if you’d do her doggie style, you express you’re gay. Then, they look at you weird and at your friends, too. This sours up the evening and eventually is left up to you to think of something quickly and start making small talk again. Truly a nightmare! Obviously it is not always like that, but let’s just say that, more often than not, the Heterosexual, and in particular the Hispanic, community is not very embracing of the alternative lifestyles. And when they happened to be embracing, then the subject revolves around you and how you realized you were gay. Man, isnt' that just great?!!

So, taking into consideration that I had already spent some time with my friend at Vicente Fernandez’ concert, I opted to attend Miguelito’s party. I had already taken my other friend out to eat and had toasted, drank and sang at the concert. In fact he had asked us to go with him to the concert because he did not want a party. So, there was my solution and I took it. Miguelito’s party was very entertaining. There was lots of beer and mixed drinks, a tranvesty show (shocking isn't it??) and a male stripper. Yep, definitely we could not have fused the parties together!! Anyhow...I had a blast. At times, at gay parties, I feel weird as well. It is like I’m not gay enough. However, in my case I would rather prove that I am gay, than trying to pretend I’m straight. So, at the end of the day the problem was solved … and I will not have to face this kind of issues again until next year. And from now on when I meet someone new I will pull out my Palm Pilot and will make sure that the first thing I’ll ask is their birthday along with their sexual orientation, in order to avoid any future debacles.

posted by Guerrero Azteca @ 5:29 PM