Do GAYS have it all figured out???
Andy, one of the managers at the company I work for has this interesting quote: “Gay men have it all figured out; except for the sex part, I think being gay is the way to go.” Obviously the “sex part” of his quote denotes his heterosexual orientation. His now famous quote in the company comes from years of research and many different trial-and-error models of the dating arena in the heterosexual world. However, gay dating is not all flowery as Andy may think. It is not pink, purple or any other color in the rainbow selection of pastels. In fact it could be as gray, brown or black as the nightmares of legal divorce experienced by heterosexual couples. When feelings and emotions are involved very little differentiates traditional couples from alternative ones.
One of my best friends, Julian, has just recently started dating this Mexican-Chinese guy. The way they started out was as many other couples do here on the West Coast. We were at a club and Julian spot him among the crowd. His Chinito saw him. They saw each other and eventually started dancing. They exchanged phone numbers and Julian’s eventual earthquake began its slow but unstoppable movement. Julian deep inside knows he is gay; in fact he is Super Gay. His Chinito, is just as gay as he is. However, Julian still feels guilty about how his religion views homosexuality. His fear of what God, his family and friends might think has kept him on the closet for over 23 years. He is currently starting his Master’s program on Psychology. On the other side of the arena, his Chinito is 27 years old and working as a supervisor for Wal-Mart. He has a ten year-old boy and loves going out partying just as much as a football fan loves the Super Bowl. Chinito is out of the closet. His family and friends are aware of his sexual orientation and seem to have accepted it very well. How does a closeted-guy balance a romantic life with an out-of-the-closet, and father of a young boy, who is out and proud? Very, very carefully seems to be the answer. It has been tough. A lot of compromises have been made, and are made constantly. New priorities are define and re-defined everyday. They seem really happy together – but there are many who, sarcastically and/or out of envy, are placing bets against their near future. A recent argument at a night club, where Julian walked out of the club and went home alone in tears, had many increasing their odds against them.
Julian and his Chinito have gone through heaven and hell in the past couple of weeks. There have been many romantic moments, but also many arguments and tears. Many might want to attribute the conflicts of this relationship to the fact that one is out and the other one is still somewhat in the closet. However, it is not like that. Even though, I agree that this has something to do with some of their arguments, it is by far not the main issue: trust and communication are in the top ten of the issues list. Thus, bringing us back at par with the hetero-couples.
What makes the other side (Hetero or Gay) think that the other has it better? Obviously, gays think, at least the vast majority, that heterosexual couples have a higher chance to form a stable relationship that could last many, many years. They attribute this to society and religion’s role and approval on this kind of relationship. On the other side, some hetero, a sizeable bunch, think that because a man knows what a man wants, or a woman knows what a woman wants, gay relationships should be easier to maintain. Who is wrong? Both cannot be right, or can they? What is it that our so technologically advanced race has missed, that it has led to so many divorces and to gay relationships being so short in length?
What is it and what can we do about these issues, seem to be timely questions. For the TRUE sake of our future society (Hetero & LGBT) we should pursue ways to not only find answers to these questions, but go out of our comfort zone to put them into practice. Others have laid this foundation we currently stand on, should it not be fair that we continue to build, and improve, on this foundation?
posted by Guerrero Azteca @ 3:03 PM
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