My parents, brothers, uncles, aunts, cousins and my grandmother have gathered once again to observe this holiday. This is not a Mexican holiday. However, since we’ve arrived to the United States we have taken on this very thoughtful tradition. And it is not a difficult tradition to adopt. It is not like foreign countries do not know how to be grateful for what they have received.
In my own personal case the celebrations started last night. The company I work for is in the retail business. So, beginning tomorrow the shopping season will be in full motion leaving no room for a holiday party in December. It is anticipated that consumers will drop 5% more cash than last year’s holiday season. We’ll see what these 5% mean for the gift boxes with my name under my Christmas tree. After the holiday party, well actually during the middle of it, a couple of friends and I took off and went to Hollywood. We had planned to go to Circus and have a good night of dancing. However, one of my friends forgot his ID and we could not get in. So, we just headed to West Hollywood and strolled on the strip. We got into a bar and then afterwards we just ended up at IHOP getting some grub and got back around 3:30 AM.
Family, friends, dancing, drinks and turkey ... definitely good ingredients for a celebration. But, what am I grateful for? Among all these ingredients, I don’t want to miss the point of the holiday. Despite the recent cloudy days here in LA, or maybe I should say because of these very cloudy days here in LA that now help us sit down and reflect for a moment. No sunny days out on the beach or parks and no warm evenings at rooftop bars. The perfect timing to stay home and then covered with a blanket and drinking some hot chocolate meditate on one’s life. I’m grateful, extremely, for God in my life. It is obvious to me that he has not given up on me. In fact, I’d say he continues to root for me. It’s been a great temptation to just forget about any and all the links that I have with religion. However, I understand, now more than ever, that I can’t and shouldn’t. I pray that he continues to put people after his own heart on my path to learn more about him. In this gay life of mine, I need God just as much as before.
I’m also very grateful for my family; my very loving and understanding family that God has given me. I have put them through hell these past couple of months and they have all stuck with me. I love them so much. I’m also grateful for my friends. They make my days much lighter and enjoyable. In this world with very few time for the small and important things is really hard to find true friends, thus I treasure the ones I’ve got. I’m grateful for the opportunity to go to school and for the job that pays my bills. I’m grateful for life. It has not cheated me. It has given me my fair share of tears and laughs. Thus all I can say, from the bottom of my heart, is: Gracias.
The overpopulated, over polluted, yet strikingly beautiful Aztec capital has passed a new legislation that grants some very important rights for unmarried couples, including gay ones. The bill falls short of marriage equality, but it is a huge step in a country deeply rooted in Catholicism. Needless to say, I am very proud of this move and I hope it is only the beginning of an unstoppable wave of victories for the LGBT community in Mexico. Now, as I read this news I could not but stop and wonder if I would ever actually marry (or unite civilly to) another man. This proved to be more puzzling than what I would have anticipated. In all seriousness I never really considered the question or the implications of such a decision. Legally speaking I see the advantages: to inherit, secure and provide protection to your partner. However, the more mind-boggling questions arise from the traditional concept of a union/marriage – a wedding. The celebration of a union of two people who love each other, in this case of the same sex would it be a celebration? Would it be, instead, a contract to gain some legal protections and possibly some tax breaks? Is it something to be desired or is it just another legal process? Can it still be special? Will others stand up just as they do when the bride walks down the aisle? Will I be the bride or the groom? Will there be an isle? So many questions, maybe too soon! Baby steps, baby steps.
In whatever format or shape that my civil union takes place, if I ever venture into that kind of commitment, it’ll be special for me. And I guess that is all that will and should matter at that time. The ceremony, the party, the clothes will just be secondary, maybe NOT the clothes! But, to have the choice, the opportunity and the right to even consider doing something like this - that is truly priceless. May those victories south of border cross over the old, and new, fence to help us shape this vast land we call the USA.
What are the odds that two of your close friends decide to celebrate their own birthday parties on the same day at the same time? Not very rare, I guess. But, how about if we add that one of them is gay and the other one is as straight as a 12 inch ruler? How about if you were forced to choose which friend to celebrate with, then, what are the odds of that? West Hollywood or East LA?
That is exactly what happened to me last Saturday. One of my friends, who I happened to know since before we started attending college, was having a quasi-surprise birthday party. He was the one who invited me to it! He’s not only straight but also very homophobic. The only reason he still talks to me is because we knew each other way before I came out to him. We helped out each other in college and went through many different adversities and challenges together. I appreciate his friendship as much as I believe he appreciates mine. It has always been an unwritten rule that we can talk about everything except my sexual life, which I’m fine with. It is not like I enjoy sharing my intimate life with everyone. We have laughed and cried, argued and worked on many projects together. He’s a great guy. My other friend, Miguelito, I’ve known him for over a year now. He has helped me out a lot with my coming out and HIV ordeal. We go out a lot. I feel that he has been a good influence in my life. His values and the way he lives his life are those very rare difficult traits to find among the gay community. I am well aware that I have benefited a lot from his friendship. He has been very honest with me and has set me straight – no pun intended - when I’ve needed it.
Thus, in a perfect world, as I was presented with this dilemma, I would have probably suggested to fuse both parties into one huge celebration. However, in the real world fusing WeHo crowds with EastLos raza is almost next to impossible. It would be like eating Chinese noodles with tortillas. Beyond the obvious difference on wardrobe styles, name brands, music tastes and subjects of punch lines there is the crucial and almost automatic stigma that comes with rainbow parties. It has to be stated that at gay parties: we do not have sex orgies, we do not attend them in drag and we do not hit on every straight male that walks in through the door. We drink, dance, talk, gossip and tell jokes. It is by no means your ordinary party, but again, it is nothing out of this world. Gays have a very “gay” sense of humor and could be very descriptive about their sexual life. Straight men parties on the other hand are mostly based on alcohol and women. In the end, even despite the few, but important, differences you can have a great time with either crowd. In this case, I knew I had no choice, but to decide which crowd to hang out with.
Having gone through most of my teenage years pretending to be into women and my late teens/early twenties avoiding anything that would lead me into sin, I was more inclined towards attending my gay friend’s party. But, of course it wasn’t about the party. It was about my friends. (Wink-Wink) However, taking into consideration my last experiences on parties and gatherings on both sections of this society in LA, I was back at square one. It is very tough at times having to go with the flow in straight crowds without feeling like you’re not being real. The last guys’ night out with some of my straight friends was very uncomfortable. Along with my friends, there happened to be also some people whom I did not know. So, you drink, you joke around and you try to relax. You talk about sports: soccer, boxing, wrestling, football, basketball, etc… But, then a “fine chick” walks by and the conversation revolves around her boobs, her ass and her p…privates. Nothing against women, I am gay not blind. I can tell when a woman is hot. However, when the conversation veers in that direction two things can happen. One: you join in, and those who know you’re gay look at you weird. Or two: when those who don’t know you ask you if you’d do her doggie style, you express you’re gay. Then, they look at you weird and at your friends, too. This sours up the evening and eventually is left up to you to think of something quickly and start making small talk again. Truly a nightmare! Obviously it is not always like that, but let’s just say that, more often than not, the Heterosexual, and in particular the Hispanic, community is not very embracing of the alternative lifestyles. And when they happened to be embracing, then the subject revolves around you and how you realized you were gay. Man, isnt' that just great?!!
So, taking into consideration that I had already spent some time with my friend at Vicente Fernandez’ concert, I opted to attend Miguelito’s party. I had already taken my other friend out to eat and had toasted, drank and sang at the concert. In fact he had asked us to go with him to the concert because he did not want a party. So, there was my solution and I took it. Miguelito’s party was very entertaining. There was lots of beer and mixed drinks, a tranvesty show (shocking isn't it??) and a male stripper. Yep, definitely we could not have fused the parties together!! Anyhow...I had a blast. At times, at gay parties, I feel weird as well. It is like I’m not gay enough. However, in my case I would rather prove that I am gay, than trying to pretend I’m straight. So, at the end of the day the problem was solved … and I will not have to face this kind of issues again until next year. And from now on when I meet someone new I will pull out my Palm Pilot and will make sure that the first thing I’ll ask is their birthday along with their sexual orientation, in order to avoid any future debacles.
It is an undeniable truth that the Independent Films have had a huge surge in recent years. The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences (a.k.a. Oscars) last year handed out some of its highest awards to this section of the industry. And among this new wave of Independent Films the Latino, and in particular the Mexican Films, are earning accolades not only in the USA but around the world as well. I will admit that not every single Mexican Film recently made is my cup of tea. However, more often than not, I find myself being extremely proud of the Mexican films that make it all the way here to LA.
This past week I caught “Babel”, the last installment of the Iñarritu-Arriaga-Prieto trilogy that started with Amores Perros and was followed by 21 Grams. Alejandro Gonzalez Iñarritu produced and directed the films. Guillermo Arriaga wrote the scripts. Rodrigo Prieto was in charge of the cinematography. It was a very intense movie. The script of Babel was supposed to make us see how despite our superficial differences among cultures and races we are simply human beings undergoing very similar challenges on this planet. We all seem to be seeking the same goal: happiness. I loved the contrast between countries, cultures and economic backgrounds. There is much to say in regards to what really creates the imaginary borderlines that divide nations and ultimately people. What seems to separate us, for the most part, is simply based on mistaken perceptions of what we are not willing to understand. The language as exposed on this movie, is not necessarily a barrier. I like the fact that this film ventures deeper into that reality. Adriana Borraza, the Mexican nanny, was the best and most moving performance of the film. Hats off to her! I hope she receives the recognition she deserves. And along these same lines, I can’t hardly wait to see the very acclaimed “El Laberinto del Fauno” (Pan’s Labyrinth) by Guillermo del Toro another very talented Mexican Director. This film will represent Mexico on the Foreign Film Oscar category this coming year.
I also was able to watch Almodovar’s “Volver” as part of the American Film Institute Festival (AFI) in Hollywood & Los Angeles Latino International Film Festival - LALIFF. I am not sure if this love for the seventh art – Cinema – comes with the gay territory, but the truth is that you find yourself surrounded by a lot of gay people at this festivals. Some of the most cultured people I have met are gay or super gay. They might not be the most emotionally stable persons, but they are very cultivated. Volver, a film with Penelope Cruz, left me wishing it were a little bit longer. It has the perfect balance of comedy and drama that keeps you glued to the storyline. What would you do if you had the chance to talk again to a deceased loved-one? What would you tell him/her? Or I guess most importantly, what if you die before you get a chance to resolve some pending issues? These topics are covered in a natural and very realistic sense. The importance of family support to overcome life’s adversities is well represented in this all-female Spanish family.
Lastly, I caught the controversial film “Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan.” A film definitely not recommended for the easily offended. After all the controversy over the government of Kazakhstan and the media, I was expecting a lot of offenses directed towards this particular nation. However, what I found was that the puns were taken at American society. The jokes about Kazakhstan and its citizens could have been made about any other part of the world. They are so outrageous that I hardly believe anyone would take them seriously. However, the puns taken at America are as hilarious as much as they are alarming. People are disgusted not by the fact that Borat has excrement bagged on his hand, but by the fact that he is friends with an African American prostitute. People praise the “supposed” tradition of shooting at homosexuals. People regret the fact that slavery has been abolished. People applaud and cheer to the wishes for Iraqi suffering and complete elimination. Sadly, a very sobering view of America! I think Borat in essence is full of Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit of Glorious Planet Earth.
Three different films. So much to think and talk about. This is exactly what the seventh art should be about.
Vicente Fernandez visited the city with the largest Mexican population outside Mexico, the beautiful city of Los Angeles, CA. He performed at the Gibson Amphitheater at Universal Studios City Walk in Hollywood. I had wanted to see this man perform for some years now, but his tickets always sell out very quickly and the resell price goes to the roof! This year however, a friend wanted no birthday party, no gifts, but for some of his best buddies to go with him to see “Chente” perform. So, we did. Beer along with Margaritas and shots of Tequilas set the mood to listen and sing along with Vicente’s Mariachi. The amphitheater was packed. It was very difficult to imagine that we were in one of the most important cities in the United States, where English is the official language. The impact of the Hispanic, in this case the Mexican, community was felt hours before the concert in the restaurants and bars of Universal Studios City Walk. There were Mexicans, the vast majority, eating and drinking before enjoying the music that reminds us of the place we used to call home. It is hard to not get goose bumps at the sound of the trumpet and guitars playing Viva Mexico or Guadalajara. The crowd sang most of the songs and danced to the most rhythmic notes. Vicente kept his initial promise that he would not stop singing until people stopped applauding. Thus the two hour concert turned into an almost four hour performance that everyone enjoyed. The deep Mexican roots inside everyone in the audience came out and succumbed to the songs of one of the greatest exponents of Mexican Mariachi music.
For one night I felt so close and yet so far from a remote Mexico of old. It was like traveling back in time to ages ago when my parents, uncles and their friends would sit down at the table after the party was over to socialize. It was as if time had stopped and I was a kid again and would hear them sing these songs. But, time had not stopped. I was not in Mexico. I was not a kid anymore and my extended family is at some level separated by more than a border. Yet, the music made more sense than ever. The tequila and the song’s lyrics resonated against the pain and hurt of past loves. This seems to be, as one of his songs says… “quise hallar el olvido, al estilo Jalisco,” - (I wanted to find consolation, Jalisco style) – the way Mexican men deal with its pain. So, I sang and dedicated songs to so many people … some with pain and some with love. It felt good to cry out “por tu maldito amor”- for your damned love. As much as it felt good to acknowledge and sing the following verse: “Hermoso cariño, que Dios ha mandado no’mas para mi. Precioso regalo del cielo ha llegado y que me ha colmado de dicha y de amor.” – Wonderful love that God has sent exclusively for me. Precious gift that has come down from heaven to fill up my life with plenitude and love…
The entire amphitheater stood up to sing from the heart “Mexico lindo y querido si muero lejos de ti que digan que estoy dormido y que me traigan a ti. Mexico lindo y querido, si muero lejos de ti,” – (Mexico beautiful and loved if I die far away from you, tell them that I am asleep and let them take me to you. Mexico beautiful and loved if I die far away from you). Despite loving and being grateful for living in the United States, there is still a never ending longing for the land that watched us come to life and grow up. Those of us who live on this side of the border have our hearts equally divided between these two lands. Lastly, tears flowed unrestrained, including Vicente himself, when he sang and dedicated to his father Viejo, Mi Querido Viejo. “Es un buen tipo mi Viejo … tiene la tristeza larga de tanto venir andando. Viejo, mi querido Viejo, ahora ya caminas lento como perdonando el viento. Yo soy tu sangre mi Viejo. Soy tu silencio y tu tiempo.” - (He’s a good man, my old man … he’s got a stretched melancholy because of his long stroll. Old man, my dear old man, now you walk slowly as if forbearing the wind. I am your blood my old man. I am your silence and your time). We applauded until midnight and despite our throats being sore, the pain those songs scrapped from our soul was only matched by the joy of letting these emotions come out and deal with them … Mexican style!
Mexicans take very few things seriously and death is not necessarily one of them. This is especially obvious on El Dia de los Muertos. The famous “calaveritas” take puns at the imaginary arrival of death to take celebrities or politicians away to their final resting place. This is a very unusual way to treat the unstoppable huesuda (bony death) as it walks around the Aztec land. The calaveritas are made of a couple of verses that rhyme while describing the interaction of death and its victim. The following is an example of a calaverita dedicated to Mexican President Vicente Fox:
Estaba Vicente Fox sus botas café limpiando cuando llegó la pelona para llevarlo cargando.
Vicente Fox was cleaning his brown boots when the bald headed one arrived to carry him away.
Se le acercó frente a frente sin que la vieran los guardias y le dijo "Ciertamente hasta aquí llega tu andada"
She got close, face to face, and the guards did not see her. She told him, “Certainly, up to here is where your walking ends.”
Fox le dijo "Mira flaca, no me puedo ir todavía... Me falta lo de Oaxaca y lo del muro en la orilla..."
Fox told her, “Look, skinny one, I can’t leave just yet. I still have pending Oaxaca and the fence on the border…”
La parca le dió un coscorrón "Ya vámonos de los Pinos... Ahi se queda Calderón 'pa lidiar con los vecinos...
The skeletal one smacked him on the head and said, “Let’s leave Los Pinos. There we’re leaving Calderon to deal with these issues…”
De Oaxaca no te apures, que tu angustia se mitigue... Pronto volverán a clases porque Ruiz es el que sigue..." - Online Calaverita
“About Oaxaca, don’t worry, let your anxiety fade away … the school classes are starting up soon because after I take you Ruiz is next…”
Calaveritas are just one of the many unique traits of this Mexican holiday. The ofrendas or memorial offerings to loved ones who have passed away, are filled with centuries of traditions. The ofrendas are set up at schools, offices, churches and homes to remember those who are no longer alive. Cempasuchil flowers, candy skulls, candles, very ornate paper-mache designs, photographs, dishes with their favorite foods and many of the things that they used to like when they were alive are placed on the ofrendas (including tequila and some other alcoholic beverages). It is believed that on this day, their spirits come back to visit their families and will eat and drink what has been placed on the ofrenda to them. Also on this day, the pan de muerto – day of the death bread – is baked. It is eaten with chocolate or traditional atole after one has visited the graves of one’s dead relatives. Needless to say, cemeteries are the busiest places on this day. Many stories are re-told for the hundredth time by the elderly about the deceased ones. I remember my grandmother, while setting up her ofrenda to her dead relatives, she began telling us stories about them. This storytelling will not end until after the Dia de los Muertos was over. There was a purpose for every dish, there was a reason for every skull, it was a day to remember not that we are mortal, but instead that we never really leave this place. Dia de los Muertos, especially in Central Rural/Traditional Mexico, is a very elaborate day … a day truly worth to die for!
October 31st, a.k.a. Halloween, is more than just another excuse to party, at least in WeHo – West Hollywood – a city in the Los Angeles Metropolitan Area, a few miles west from Downtown LA. In WeHo Halloween is a very anticipated “Holy-Day.” Among the gay community of Los Angeles where high heels, feathers, wigs, fitted dresses and make-up rub shoulders with Dracula, mummies, skeletons, pirates, monsters and the most trendy and scary costumes. The FAB life glitters and sparkles some of the most popular clubs, including the streets of Santa Monica Boulevard where the famous/infamous parade takes place. At least for this night, almost no one seems to get offended by the men in drag; it is just a complement of the celebration. How many gay men dress in drag only for Halloween? I don’t now. There is no scientific statistics for this kind of stuff. However, judging by my surroundings and acquaintances, it is a big number. Does every gay man dress up? Of course not! Does every gay man want to dress up? Of course! At least for kicks, every gay man has or has thought of wearing high heels and a dress. It is in the genetic structure of the queer DNA. Again, there’s no scientific data to validate this … yet.
I attended a party in the ever-growing, gay and trendy Silver-Lake/Echo-Park neighborhood of Los Angeles. A really nice and well thought out party! Everything from the drinks to the music, the h’orderves to the decorations were organized in such a way that the guests never had to bother the hosts. A beautiful view of the newly renovated Griffith Observatory as a backdrop gave the outdoor patio a surreal tone. Colorful lights and spider webs mingled uninhibited with the feathers and mascara of many of the guests. The music did not stop pumping or the drinks flowing until almost dawn. It seemed that everything went as planned. And talk about the planning that goes into this day! No one wants to be outdone by the guy next door. Every costume needs to be planned and crafted to the last crystal bead. It must be fitted enough to show off the gym physique, but it also must be comfortable enough to walk and dance on it. Not an easy task, at all. Thus, days and even weeks of planning, more so on the guests than the hosts, go NOT-UNNOTICED on the big night!
So, is Halloween the night of the devil? Who knows? Is it a night of sin? More likely than not! But, so is Cinco de Mayo and New Years, so what’s the big deal with this day? The only thing for sure is that Halloween is a sacred day for the LGBT community. It ranks probably number one – again no scientific data – on the importance scale of holidays. And if it falls on a Tuesday, like this past Halloween, then the partying begins on the Thursday night before. Almost a full week to succumb to the beats of the musical rhythms and to the lights of the Los Angeles nights!
This is the question that the play “Doubt” presents its audience to grab its attention. And it does. I had the opportunity to catch one of the last presentations of this very acclaimed play here on its tour stop to Los Angeles. The play is on a tour through the United States after winning many awards (including Tony and Pulitzer) on Broadway. It is set against the backdrop of a Catholic school in 1964. Sister Aloysius, the principal of the school has a doubt. She is not sure if one of the priests is having an inappropriate behavior towards one of the new kids at school. Her gut feeling tells her that something is going on, but she has no proof. What does one do in such a situation?
It is by no means a powerful display of substance by only four characters on stage. It brings forth many of our own insecurities and flaws as society: our inability to want to stand up, question and confront. The role played by the young Sister James portrays the world we live in. A world that wants to believe everything is fine. A world that would rather close the curtains than open up the window and take a look at reality. Sister James is afraid she might be wrong and her fear paralizes her to the point of insomnia and nightmares. She is willing to quickly accept any answer Father Flynn gives as an explanation for his behavior. However, as the saying goes: “ The devil is wiser because he’s older, not because he’s the devil.” Sister Aloysius makes well use of her years of experience to confront the situation. The play is so carefully crafted that at times you are not even sure if Father Flynn is guilty or if it is just a personal issue that Sister Aloysius has against him.
Then, what to do? Sister Aloysius leaves us with a powerful line to ponder upon and to consider the next time we question ourselves: “Innocence can only be wisdom in a world without evil.” We must leave our zone of comfort. We must not be afraid to question. And while we question and confront, the best thing we can hope for is that we are wrong. For in situations like this one, it is better to be wrong, than to be sorry...
Los Angeles, California was a mandatory stop for Gloria Trevi on her US Gay-Nightclubs tour. The small concert took place on Hollywood’s Circus Club, a very popular Latin Night Club. Gloria is no stranger to gay crowds. She has previously been crowned queen in many Pride Parades as well as being the recipient of different expressions of gratitude from the LGBT community. Her songs and unique way to perform for the crowds has won over millions of fans. Despite her show being in length shorter than Alejandra Guzman’s performance two weeks ago, it left people pleased. Her songs took me back to the early nineties when I was still living in Mexico-D.F. However, despite the very limited amount of time spent on stage, she could not have left without singing the new anthem, of sorts, for the transgender community: Todos Me Miran (Everyone’s staring at me.) No better title could have been found for such a controversial topic. Who has not stared at a transgender girl or transgender man?
Just FYI: Transgender is not the same as Transsexual. There are many differing definitions for the terms, but a simple way to put it would be this: a transgender person is someone who is going through the process to get his/her sex changed, and a transsexual person is someone who has gone through the process, including the surgical procedures. The technicalities of why and how can be found via research, for those interested.
I know I have looked at them, not with repugnance or loathing, but with curiosity. It is difficult, even for gay people, to understand what would make a person want to go through the difficult path to change someone’s sex. However, it takes to put oneself in the other person’s shoes to try to fathom the almost unconceivable stories that they have to share. I was fortunate enough to be present at a special presentation that a group of courageous transgender girls improvised for a group of gay men. They shared the challenges and adversities they face daily. Their lives are something that the most flamboyant gay male cannot even imagine. One thing is to dress up for a gay party, for a nightclub, for a show or for Halloween. But, to show up to work dressed as a woman, do your everyday shores, not in drag, but in women’s clothes is a whole different ball game. I learned a lot that night. I am even embarrassed to say that it was the first time I saw them as people. It must be tough to know you have been born in the wrong body. I am no scientist, but if so many claim the same thing, there must be some truth to it. If I, being a gay male, have a hard time understanding the transgender community, how much harder will the heterosexual world have to fight to respect and accept them? Not much, I must sadly admit. The truth is that most people, including some gay people, do not even try to see who is behind these high-heels and woman attire. In these times sensitivity is going from a virtue to a luxury that many are not willing to afford.
Thus, even though many people thing Gloria’s song is cheesy, I applaud the fact that she even considered and made the decision to represent this courageous part of our population. And as the song says: “Everyone’s staring at me because I do what few will ever dare. Everyone’s staring at me; some with envy, but at the end, at the end, everyone’s going to love me...”
Andy, one of the managers at the company I work for has this interesting quote: “Gay men have it all figured out; except for the sex part, I think being gay is the way to go.” Obviously the “sex part” of his quote denotes his heterosexual orientation. His now famous quote in the company comes from years of research and many different trial-and-error models of the dating arena in the heterosexual world. However, gay dating is not all flowery as Andy may think. It is not pink, purple or any other color in the rainbow selection of pastels. In fact it could be as gray, brown or black as the nightmares of legal divorce experienced by heterosexual couples. When feelings and emotions are involved very little differentiates traditional couples from alternative ones.
One of my best friends, Julian, has just recently started dating this Mexican-Chinese guy. The way they started out was as many other couples do here on the West Coast. We were at a club and Julian spot him among the crowd. His Chinito saw him. They saw each other and eventually started dancing. They exchanged phone numbers and Julian’s eventual earthquake began its slow but unstoppable movement. Julian deep inside knows he is gay; in fact he is Super Gay. His Chinito, is just as gay as he is. However, Julian still feels guilty about how his religion views homosexuality. His fear of what God, his family and friends might think has kept him on the closet for over 23 years. He is currently starting his Master’s program on Psychology. On the other side of the arena, his Chinito is 27 years old and working as a supervisor for Wal-Mart. He has a ten year-old boy and loves going out partying just as much as a football fan loves the Super Bowl. Chinito is out of the closet. His family and friends are aware of his sexual orientation and seem to have accepted it very well. How does a closeted-guy balance a romantic life with an out-of-the-closet, and father of a young boy, who is out and proud? Very, very carefully seems to be the answer. It has been tough. A lot of compromises have been made, and are made constantly. New priorities are define and re-defined everyday. They seem really happy together – but there are many who, sarcastically and/or out of envy, are placing bets against their near future. A recent argument at a night club, where Julian walked out of the club and went home alone in tears, had many increasing their odds against them.
Julian and his Chinito have gone through heaven and hell in the past couple of weeks. There have been many romantic moments, but also many arguments and tears. Many might want to attribute the conflicts of this relationship to the fact that one is out and the other one is still somewhat in the closet. However, it is not like that. Even though, I agree that this has something to do with some of their arguments, it is by far not the main issue: trust and communication are in the top ten of the issues list. Thus, bringing us back at par with the hetero-couples.
What makes the other side (Hetero or Gay) think that the other has it better? Obviously, gays think, at least the vast majority, that heterosexual couples have a higher chance to form a stable relationship that could last many, many years. They attribute this to society and religion’s role and approval on this kind of relationship. On the other side, some hetero, a sizeable bunch, think that because a man knows what a man wants, or a woman knows what a woman wants, gay relationships should be easier to maintain. Who is wrong? Both cannot be right, or can they? What is it that our so technologically advanced race has missed, that it has led to so many divorces and to gay relationships being so short in length?
What is it and what can we do about these issues, seem to be timely questions. For the TRUE sake of our future society (Hetero & LGBT) we should pursue ways to not only find answers to these questions, but go out of our comfort zone to put them into practice. Others have laid this foundation we currently stand on, should it not be fair that we continue to build, and improve, on this foundation?
